So, I have started House Job 2

Senior Woman

“Idowu take charge of the rounds, you are a senior woman in O&G now. I trust your judgement. If you have any problems, give me a call.” These were the words of responsibility I heard on a very busy unit day. I froze for a few minutes. What have I done to make this man think he can trust me to see all the patients on the ward alone. I realized almost immediately that those were the thoughts of fear. You can do this, I mean. There is really nothing special here.

So, I saw the first patient and it was one that I felt had stayed long overdue on the ward and needed to go home. I laughed at myself and said you too want to be discharging patients. Serious laughter ehn. I called my Chief straight. I am too young to play with my license. I mean how many months have I used it for? We discussed the patient and he agreed with me that she should be discharged. This was a patient that came in high risk, but was stable at the time I saw her. I was still scared to make the right decision. Still second guessed my clinical instincts.

The next two patients I saw, I discharged home without reviewing with him. Hmm… Balls of steel girl. Balls of steel. I saw other patients and wrote investigations and medications as indicated. It felt good to see all the patients and make my own decisions. Proudly wrote HOWR in place of RWR or SRWR or CWR. I was the Chief today and my word was law. The nurses didn’t even query my discharge orders even when I didn’t write that my plan was reviewed with my Chief.

I still sort of held my breath sha and hoped that I had made the right decisions. I had double checked everything I did and wrote. Even after I had discharged them I didn’t feel comfortable. Even though I had double checked my work and ensured I saw the full clinical picture. I saw my Chief after the rounds and he asked me to give him the summaries of the patients I saw. I told him about the other two patients I saw after the one I reviewed with him and he asked me if they had been discharged home. I said yes and immediately did a little dance in my head. I became more confident after that experience. I got more relaxed with making clinical decisions.

To be honest, I am still very stressed and scared and want to DAMA on some days, but it is the little things like this that makes the work worth it.

So, this is for anyone doubting their roles as doctors and looking down at themselves as bloody house officers; you are. Please don’t go around discharging patients anyhow oh. Hmm… They will rupture you badly my dear. At the same time, don’t listen to me. You have got this, but ask your registrar and senior colleagues before making important decisions like this.

Like one of my Chiefs said, confidence comes with time and actual learning. It doesn’t just fall on you. So, if you are starting out or even half way through or at the end, or anywhere in your career, confidence comes with time and doing your due diligence in seeking out knowledge and learning. It is important also to remember that medical training at any level is apprenticeship. You get better by seeing more.

Thank you to all who read the first episode and sent their comments and feedback. I really appreciate it. This episode is to encourage anyone in need of it and also as a reminder to my future self if or when I need it. Gracias.